As the days pass by, my staying here slowly, but surely comes to an end. In 2 weeks I have my flight back to Poland and frankly speaking I cannot wait. I miss my community, my partner, friends and family. And of course polish cuisine (especially my mom’s cream soups).
On my journey here I’m learning a lot about what I don’t want and like. Even though Portugal is (without any debate) a beautiful country, I cannot form any connection with this place. Maybe it is Almada, maybe it is me- I’m not sure. What I do know is feeling of overwhelming sadness, that one which blocks any form creativity or desire. My heart is in a constant state of longing and to be quite honest it is difficult to ignore it.
So I make room for it. I sit on my balcony looking at starts, I’m taking myself on little walks, I rest in bed a lot. I call my support systems. I try my best to honor it, accept it. Suppressing feelings is something I dealt a lot with in my past and I don’t want to do it again, after all I’m only human.
I have feelings and I don’t want to be ashamed of them.
It’s the first time in almost 2 years of me being at one place for that long period of time without moving/being in a constant rush and it surely is taking its toll on me. Maybe it’s been finally catching up with me. My way of dealing with it is by going out, doing silly adventures on small scale.
Last week I had an opportunity to visit Sintra. As I was walking on the beach (look at the first photo), dogs were playing around me, running and rolling themselves all over sand- I felt quite at peace. There was fog- first time I in Portugal and it felt quite magical.
List of things that feel like honey to my soul right now:
cozy moss and their new album “wolanie”,
videochatting with my loved ones,
poetry of Fatimah Asghar,
our neighbor’s orange cat,
ginger kombucha,
intuitive dancing,
very fat and delicious naps
listening to my flatmates singing in the shower
Thank you for reading, I hope you are safe and sound
Drink your kombucha and use SPF,
Anastas (they/them)
